Be the Person You Want Your Kid to Be

by Alexander Tidd

My son was watching me, though I didn’t notice it at the time. I was on my phone, half-listening as he asked me something about his Lego spaceship. I mumbled a distracted uh-huh, still reading the news, and he walked away quietly.

Later that night I found him on the couch watching TV. I asked him a question about dinner and got the same flat uh-huh in return. He was watching Bluey, which is admittedly a great show, but there it was. My own tone echoed right back at me. It was a small thing. But it made something big click into place.

Kids are always watching. They hear what we say but they really absorb what we do. And the older my child gets, the more I realize that parenting isn’t just about setting rules or giving advice. It is about modeling a life worth living. It is about trying to be the kind of person I hope he will become.

The Mirror Is Always On

I’ve read the research. Kids learn behavior by watching their caregivers. But reading that in a parenting book is one thing. Living it is another. Every eye roll, every muttered complaint, every shortcut or shrug when things get tough—those all get absorbed. And so do the good things. The patience when the baby spills her drink for the third time. The way we apologize when we mess up. The way we talk to strangers. The way we talk to each other.

General Stanley McChrystal once wrote that being a father is not just about being around—it is about showing up with purpose and being present with intention. That idea stuck with me. Because being physically in the same room as your kid while emotionally and mentally miles away does not build connection. And it certainly doesn’t model the kind of presence I want my son to learn.

When I lose my cool, which I do, he sees it. When I handle something calmly that used to make me snap, he sees that too. And sometimes, I have to look him in the eye and say, I was wrong. I got frustrated. I’m sorry. It is humbling. But I also believe those moments are just as powerful as the ones where I get it right the first time.

Character Is Caught, Not Taught

We all want our kids to be kind, resilient, curious, and confident. But those traits are not transferred by osmosis. They are grown slowly through example and repetition. If I want my son to treat people with respect, I have to show him what that looks like in real life. If I want him to work hard and take pride in what he does, I cannot cut corners or give up easily when something gets hard.

When I read with him at night, I try to talk about the characters and the choices they make. But I also try to read for myself when I can, even if it is just for ten minutes. I want him to see that learning does not end with school and that curiosity is a lifelong gift.

When we clean the house together, I remind him that taking care of our space is not just about chores. It is about respect for ourselves and the people we live with. It is about pitching in because we are a team.

And when we have disagreements, I try to stay in the conversation instead of walking away. I want him to see that people can disagree and still come back together. That being part of a family means learning to repair the cracks instead of ignoring them.

We Don’t Have to Be Perfect

Of course, there are days when I feel like I am barely holding it together. I forget appointments. I get snippy. I check out when I should be leaning in. The truth is, we are not raising children in a vacuum. We are trying to be good parents while also juggling jobs, bills, and a world that never stops shouting at us.

But here is the thing. We do not have to be perfect to be powerful models. We just have to be honest. We have to try. We have to own it when we fall short and keep showing up anyway.

I want my son to grow up seeing that growth is possible. That people make mistakes and learn from them. That love is not about being flawless. It is about being consistent and real.

So I try to start with myself. I try to look at my days through the eyes of the person who loves me the most and expects the most from me. Not out of guilt, but out of love. Because if I want him to be kind, I have to speak with kindness. If I want him to be brave, I have to face things that scare me. If I want him to be proud of who he is, I have to be proud of who I am becoming.

Parenting is the hardest and most important leadership role most of us will ever have. And unlike a job, we don’t get performance reviews or lunch breaks. But we do get to shape a human being. Not with lectures, but with the lives we live.

So I keep showing up. With my whole heart, my whole mess, and the knowledge that if I keep doing the work, my son will grow into someone kind and courageous. And maybe he will remember that his parents did not just tell him how to be. They showed him.