Helping Our Kids Learn to Play Together

by Alexander Tidd

You know that moment at the park. One kid has a bucket. Another wants it. There’s a stare-off, maybe a whack with a plastic shovel, and suddenly everyone’s looking at you like you’re a referee at a toddler boxing match. Welcome to the wonderful, wobbly world of kids learning how to play together.

It’s easy to forget that playing with other children doesn’t come naturally to everyone. For many kids, social play is a skill that has to be learned, practiced, and even fumbled through a few times before it sticks. And for parents, it can be just as tricky to watch it all unfold.

When kids play together, it’s not just about sharing toys or building block towers. It’s about building brains. Shared play teaches cooperation, empathy, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. It’s where kids learn how to wait their turn, how to say no without melting down, and how to repair things when a game goes sideways.

Group play also helps kids make friends. And for many young children, friendship is their first experience with navigating relationships outside their family. A preschooler who can invite someone to play, follow their lead, and share a snack is building the same social muscles they’ll need later for teamwork, collaboration, and communication.

Plus, shared play can be downright fun. When it clicks, it’s joyful chaos. When it doesn’t, well, that’s where parents sometimes have to step in and offer a little support.

Not All Kids Are Ready at the Same Time

Here’s the thing though. Some kids just aren’t into playing with others right away. They might prefer stacking blocks alone, lining up cars, or reading books in a quiet corner. That doesn’t mean they’re behind or antisocial. It just means they have a different style or pace when it comes to social interaction.

Some children are naturally shy. Others are overwhelmed by the noise and unpredictability of group play. Some might have sensory sensitivities that make close contact tricky. And then there are those kids who genuinely just like their own company. That’s okay.

Solo play has its own perks. It builds focus, creativity, and independence. And for some kids, it’s how they recharge. For parents, the goal isn’t to change who their kid is but to gently help them expand their comfort zone when they’re ready.

How Parents Can Help

If your child seems hesitant to join group games or struggles to make friends at playdates, you’re not alone. Social play can be complicated. The good news is there are a few things you can do to help ease the way.

Start small. Invite just one other child for a short, low-pressure playdate. Keep things simple with open-ended toys like blocks, dress-up clothes, or art supplies. The fewer rules the game has, the easier it will be for your child to jump in at their own speed.

Narrate what’s happening. Sometimes kids need help seeing social cues. You can say something like, “I see that Maya wants to play with the ball too. Maybe you can take turns rolling it back and forth.” You’re not solving the problem for them, just giving them tools to understand what’s going on.

Model the fun. Join the play if your child is nervous. Build a tower together and invite the other child to add a block. Be the goofy monster who chases them around. Show your kid that shared play can be silly, flexible, and not so scary after all.

Practice at home. You can role-play with stuffed animals or do mini skits about sharing and taking turns. Talk about feelings that come up in play and how characters solve them. It builds vocabulary and prepares your child for the real-life version.

And most of all, be patient. Social skills grow with time and practice. If your child needs a break or prefers to watch for a while, that’s okay. The goal is progress, not perfection.

When Solo Play Is Just Fine

While it’s helpful to encourage social play, it’s also important to know when to back off. If your child thrives in independent activities, don’t rush to fill every hour with social time. Some kids truly enjoy being alone. They might be budding artists, deep thinkers, or little inventors in the making.

Give them space to do their thing, but keep offering opportunities to connect with others too. You never know when they’ll decide they’re ready. And when they do, you’ll be right there cheering them on as they hand someone else the shovel for the first time.

So whether your kid is the playground mayor or the quiet observer on the bench, remember this. Social play is a journey, not a race. Some kids sprint. Some kids meander. Either way, they’re learning how to be in the world with other people.

And that, more than any perfect game of tag or shared snack, is the real win.