Learning to Share Takes Work: 7 Tips for Parents
by Alexander Tidd
Sharing sounds simple enough. Your toddler grabs a toy, another child wants it, and the script in your head says, “Share.” But anyone who’s tried this in real life knows it rarely plays out like the picture books promise. Tears, tantrums, and tug-of-war battles are far more common.
The truth is that young kids often struggle with sharing, and that’s developmentally normal. At this stage, they’re still learning what it means to see things from another person’s perspective. Sharing doesn’t always equal caring—not yet, anyway. But with patience, guidance, and some clever strategies, parents can help kids build the foundation for generosity. Here’s how.
1. Understand Why Sharing Is So Hard
Before expecting your child to part with their beloved truck or doll, remember that toddlers and preschoolers are wired for self-interest. Developmental psychologists point out that true empathy and perspective-taking don’t kick in until later. For a three-year-old, the toy isn’t just an object—it’s part of them. Asking them to hand it over can feel like asking you to give up your phone mid-text.
Knowing this helps parents shift from frustration to empathy. Your child isn’t selfish; they’re just not ready to grasp the full concept yet.
2. Avoid Forcing the Issue
Forcing a child to share on command might quiet the moment but misses the bigger lesson. When kids feel pressured, they often cling even tighter to their belongings. Worse, they may see sharing as punishment rather than kindness.
Instead, give them language and space. Say, “You can play with it a little longer, then let your friend have a turn.” This sets up the expectation of sharing without making it a battle of wills. Over time, the idea of turns feels fairer than the blunt command, “Share right now.”
3. Model Generosity Yourself
Children are expert imitators. When they see you offer the last cookie, lend a neighbor a tool, or split your blanket on a chilly day, they’re watching generosity in action. Narrating these small moments makes it even more powerful. “I shared my pen with Dad because he needed to write something. That helped him.”
The more kids see kindness lived out, the more likely they are to practice it themselves.
4. Say This, Not That
Sometimes, all it takes is a shift in phrasing to make a lesson stick.
Say this: “How do you think your friend feels waiting for a turn?”
Not that: “You’re being selfish.”Say this: “Let’s set a timer so everyone gets a chance.”
Not that: “You have to share now.”Say this: “It looks like you’re having fun with that toy. Can you find another toy for your friend while they wait?”
Not that: “Stop being greedy.”
These small tweaks move the conversation from judgment to problem-solving. Kids hear guidance rather than criticism.
5. Create Opportunities to Practice
Like any skill, sharing improves with practice. Playdates, siblings, or group activities are natural settings, but you can also practice at home. Let siblings trade toys for ten minutes at a time. Bake cookies and encourage your child to give some to a neighbor. Even asking them to split blocks of playdough can build the idea that things are meant to be enjoyed together.
The more low-pressure opportunities they get, the less daunting sharing becomes.
6. Respect Special Items
Not every toy has to be up for grabs. Adults don’t share their favorite sweater with just anyone, and kids deserve the same respect. Let your child set aside one or two “special” toys that don’t have to be shared. This helps them feel secure and makes it easier to part with other items.
It also teaches boundaries, an equally important lesson. Sharing should feel like a choice, not a loss of control.
7. Celebrate the Wins
When your child does share—whether it’s handing over a toy or splitting a snack—celebrate it. “I saw how you let your friend have a turn. That was really kind.” Positive reinforcement builds the idea that sharing feels good, not just to the other person but to themselves too.
Over time, these little victories stack up, shaping habits of generosity that will stick long after the toddler years.
Final Thought
Sharing may not come naturally in early childhood, and that’s okay. Kids are still learning how to manage emotions, understand fairness, and empathize with others. Parents don’t need to force it or panic when the toy tug-of-war starts. What kids need is patient guidance, thoughtful language, and opportunities to practice generosity in a safe, supportive way.
Remember: when sharing isn’t caring yet, it doesn’t mean your child won’t get there. With a little coaching, lots of modeling, and a whole lot of grace, they’ll grow into kids who see generosity not as a chore, but as a joy.
