Want to Be a Dad? Demonstrate You're Willing to Step Up

by Alexander Tidd

There’s a moment in every relationship when the idea of kids goes from theoretical to very, very real. Maybe it happens when you see your partner cradling someone else’s baby and your heart skips a beat. Or maybe it happens when you're both sitting in sweatpants at 9:00 p.m. debating if your houseplants are still alive, and one of you says, “So… maybe we try?”

No matter how it arrives, the conversation about having children is one of the most consequential a couple can have. But here's the thing that needs to be said plainly, especially to the men out there who are eager, curious, or even just vaguely open to the idea of fatherhood: wanting to be a dad isn’t the same thing as being ready to be one.

Because being a dad—really being a dad—isn’t about biology or providing in the 1950s sense of the word. It’s not just about tossing a football in the backyard or showing up for the occasional school assembly. It’s about diapers. Dishes. Midnight rocking sessions and middle-of-the-day doctor appointments. It’s about showing up every day; not just when it’s convenient.

And right now, in far too many homes, that’s not what’s happening.

Despite all the talk of modern fatherhood, the numbers are still painfully clear: women, even those who work full-time jobs, continue to shoulder the bulk of domestic labor and childcare responsibilities. According to Pew Research and a slew of other studies, mothers spend significantly more time on housework, scheduling, school coordination, and emotional labor than their male partners.

It’s not because men are incapable. It’s not because they’re uninterested. It’s often because they haven’t been taught—by culture, by society, or by example—that true fatherhood requires a full and equal commitment to the work of parenting. And yes, it is work.

There’s this persistent myth that fatherhood is instinctive, that “you’ll figure it out as you go,” or that “as long as you love your kid, you’re doing great.” Love is vital. But so is preparation. So is intention.

Invest Your Energy Where It Counts

You wouldn't show up to a job interview without having researched the role. You wouldn’t volunteer to run a marathon and hope your legs figure it out halfway through. So why do some men expect fatherhood to just fall into place without thinking through what it truly demands—especially of their time, energy, and ego?

If you want to be a dad, show you’re ready to be a partner first. That means sharing the weight of the invisible work: knowing when the next doctor appointment is without being reminded. Grabbing the wipes and packing the bag before heading out the door. Understanding that “she’s better at calming the baby” is not a reason to sit back—it’s a reason to learn.

Your child deserves two engaged parents. And your partner, if you have one, deserves a teammate—not a supervisor, not a sidekick, not someone waiting for instructions.

Now, this isn’t about perfection. No parent is perfect. You will mess up. You will forget to restock the diaper bag. You will, at some point, leave the house with spit-up on your shirt and not realize it until a barista gives you that pitying look. That’s all part of the ride.

But there’s a difference between messing up and opting out. And too many women are still watching their male partners opt out of the hard parts—consciously or unconsciously—leaving them to carry the physical and emotional load of raising a child.

Wanting kids is beautiful. The desire to nurture, to teach, to watch someone grow into their own person—that’s one of the deepest human experiences we can have. But if you want to be a father, you have to want all of it. The snuggles and the spreadsheets. The bedtime stories and the stomach bugs. The endless laundry and the tiny, wordless moments when your kid looks at you like you’re the entire universe.

There’s no special badge for changing diapers or getting up at 3 a.m. That’s just part of the gig. And if you’re not willing to do those things—not occasionally, but consistently—then maybe it’s time to ask yourself what fatherhood really means to you.

Because here’s the quiet truth: when men do step up, when they co-parent with equality and presence, it changes everything. It transforms marriages. It builds stronger, more confident kids. And it teaches the next generation of boys and girls that caregiving is not gendered—it’s human.

So if you’re a man thinking about becoming a dad, start now. Start doing your share of the housework. Start learning about child development. Start unlearning the idea that parenting is her job and you’re just “helping out.”

Start showing up.

Because the world doesn’t just need more dads. It needs more present dads. It needs more capable dads. It needs more dads who understand that love is not a passive feeling—it’s an active, daily choice.

And that fatherhood, in all its messy, magical glory, isn’t about stepping in. It’s about stepping up.