We Need to Give Kids Real Freedom
by Alexander Tidd
I recently read an article from the Atlantic that hit me like a splash of cold water. This article, entitled What Kids Told Us About How to Get Them Off Their Phones, concluded that kids don’t actually want to spend all their free time on their phones, but they feel that’s the only way they can hang out with friends. Modern parenting has taken real‑world connection without adult supervision off the table for most of them.
It’s not nostalgia or finger‑wagging to say this. Kids tell us straight up they’d rather be in person than online. But they can’t be, because playgrounds don’t feel safe to parents anymore. Many of us believe streets aren’t strollable. The data doesn’t support these ideas, of course. Still, the world can be perceived as a scary place, but we have to give kids a little more opportunity to find their independence.
Why It’s Not About the Phone
The Harris survey cited in the article spoke with over 500 kids aged 8 to 12, giving us important insights: children overwhelmingly prefer in‑person, unsupervised play. That’s what makes them happiest. But because of safety fears, parents often restrict them to adult‑led classes or constant supervision. Uncertainty has replaced independence. Anxiety is on the rise. And so is screen time.
Here’s the irony: you can't fix screen habits by banning phones unless you replace them with real, meaningful alternatives. Take away the phone and kids will feel deprived unless they have friends and freedom right outside their front door—not inside another app .
What We Lose When We Don’t Let Go a Little
Unstructured, unsupervised play—not park class or coached practice, but just-kids-hanging-out—builds something deep in their brains. Cognitive researchers call it executive functioning, which helps improve skills like planning, decision-making, and emotional regulation. Kids learn to solve problems, share leadership, take turns, resolve conflict, even handle boredom. Those skills don’t come from structured drills. They come from figuring it out themselves.
When parents supervise everything, we erase opportunities for kids to fail. Without those chances to have to figure things out on their own, they don't learn resilience. They don’t build judgment. They don’t discover that sometimes the game changes and they must adapt.
How Communities Are Trying Again
It isn’t all crisis. Across the U.S., creative parents and schools are experimenting with ways to bring back childhood freedom. In Piedmont, California, a network of parents began dropping kids off at the park every Friday for unsupervised play. No phones, minimal adult presence, just a shared space to invent games and hang out. And yes, sometimes these kids would argue or wander off or get bored, and that’s exactly the point. It teaches them how to manage real life.
Elsewhere, libraries and schools are hosting screen‑free play clubs. Let Grow, a nonprofit founded by Lenore Skenazy and Jonathan Haidt, suggests simple independence-building projects like walking to a store, cooking dinner, or pumping up a bike tire without adult help. One fourth grader wrote about pushing the shopping cart themselves while their parents picked up items across the store and feeling brave from the experience. Those micro-battles mean something.
Programs like these aren’t a fantasy. They are practical and free. They give kids choice and responsibility. They show trust. And they build community.
How Parents Can Hand Back Freedom
Here are a few ways to reclaim some play without panic:
Define a zone rather than hover
Let your kids play in the front yard or walk to the corner park. Establish safety boundaries and check‑in routines, but don’t micromanage.Create intentional play windows
Instead of structured plans for every afternoon, designate certain hours—maybe weekend mornings—for free play. No devices allowed.Host DIY playdates
Let kids invite neighbors over to invent their games. Resist the urge to intervene when someone cries or complains.Let conflicts happen
They’ll figure out how to take turns, apologize, restart the game. Adults can ask: “How did it go?” later without physically stepping in right away.
Not every neighborhood is ideal. Some kids need more supervision based on age or local conditions. But even safe communities need trust built slowly. Start small. Let kids explore within sight but without agenda.
Why It Feels Radical
It feels radical because our norms have shifted sharply. A Pew study found that most parents now delay unsupervised independence until age ten or older—and that’s a stark contrast to the freedom my friends and I enjoyed when we were seven or eight. Seeing a child playing alone outside now can feel so unusual that bystanders sometimes assume something is wrong. That’s how far we’ve drifted.
But the risk of overprotection is real too. As anxiety and depression rise among children, experts warn that eroding free play is a root cause. As parents, we want safety. That impulse is valid. But parenting is also about teaching kids to live without constant safety nets. It’s about giving them ownership, with support at the edges.
So yes, kids spend too much time on phones, but that’s not just because apps are addicting. It’s also because they’ve lost playgrounds, neighborhood trust, and the freedom to build social bonds on their own terms. If we want real change, we need to open doors, set boundaries that let kids roam, and trust them to grow.
Play isn’t a luxury. It’s the rehearsal space for life. When kids can imagine, negotiate, and make up rules on their own, they’re building brains that can adapt. They’re making friendships that last beyond Wi‑Fi signals. They’re reclaiming childhood.
And if we help them build it, they will choose to put their phones down and step out into the world instead. They’ve told us they prefer it that way. And we should too.
