The Bedtime Battle: Getting Babies and Toddlers to Sleep
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of freedom when your child finally falls asleep—until you realize they’ve done it sprawled across your bed, once again, with an elbow in your ribs. For many parents, the challenge of getting young children to sleep in their own beds is a nightly routine of negotiations, tears, and failed transfers.
Whether you’re dealing with a baby who screams the second they touch the crib mattress or a toddler who treats their room like a haunted house, you are far from alone. This struggle is common, complex, and highly personal. And while there are plenty of strategies, none of them work perfectly for every child or every family. The truth? Bedtime is about comfort, trust, and letting go.
Why It’s So Hard in the First Place
From a child’s perspective, sleep can be kind of scary. It’s a long stretch of separation, darkness, and stillness. For babies, sleep is a developmental skill that unfolds gradually, not something they just learn one night because we read the right book. For toddlers, big feelings often surface right before bed when the world finally slows down. That’s when the fears show up, the desire for closeness takes over, and the idea of sleeping alone suddenly feels a little too lonely.
Add in the fact that kids know exactly where the warmest, softest, safest place in the house is. It’s your bed. And if they’ve ever been allowed to sleep there, even once during an illness or a rough night, they remember. Getting them back into their own space after that is no small feat.
Many parents share they didn’t plan to co-sleep long-term. It just sort of…happened. Usually due to exhaustion, convenience, or a desperate need to get more than two hours of uninterrupted rest. These decisions are understandable, even necessary at times. The real challenge comes when you're ready to reclaim your bed and your child has other ideas.
Different Paths, Same Goal
There are a variety of approaches to help little ones learn to sleep in their own beds. None are perfect. All require consistency, a little creativity, and often a lot of patience.
1. Gradual withdrawal
This method involves slowly reducing your presence over time. You might start by sitting next to the crib or bed, offering comfort, then moving further away each night until your child can fall asleep without you in the room. This approach tends to be gentler and works well for toddlers who are especially anxious about separation.
It’s not a quick fix, though. It can take weeks, and you may need to repeat steps if your child gets sick, has a bad dream, or goes through a clingy phase. But for parents who want a more responsive transition, this can be a good middle ground.
2. The chair method
Popular among sleep consultants, this is a variation of gradual withdrawal where the parent sits in a chair next to the bed or crib and moves the chair a little further away each night. It gives the child reassurance while creating distance at a manageable pace. It works well for children who struggle with abrupt changes.
3. Sleep training (aka letting them cry… a little)
This option includes various levels, from timed check-ins like the Ferber method to a full commitment (where the child is put down and parents don’t return until morning). Some families find this method effective, especially with babies over six months who are developmentally able to self-soothe. Critics, however, argue that it can feel harsh and lead to stressful nights, especially for sensitive parents.
For many, the right answer lies somewhere in between. A short period of protest followed by a long stretch of better sleep can be worth it—but only if the parent feels comfortable and confident in the plan. The key is to remember that your instincts matter as much as the method you choose.
4. The reward system
This works better for toddlers than babies. The idea is to offer a small incentive for staying in their bed—like a sticker chart, a morning treat, or a special toy they only get to sleep with in their own space. For some kids, this is highly motivating. For others, it wears off after a few nights and the bed-hopping returns. Still, it can be a helpful part of the routine.
What Actually Helps Over Time
Regardless of the method, there are some universal truths that make bedtime smoother for everyone:
Consistency matters. The more predictable the routine, the more secure your child feels. Bath, book, lullaby, bed—it doesn’t have to be fancy, just familiar.
Connection helps. Fill their emotional cup before bedtime with one-on-one attention. A child who feels heard and loved is more likely to rest peacefully.
Environment counts. A cozy, inviting bedroom with soft lighting, a white noise machine, and a few favorite comfort items can make a big difference.
And most importantly: patience is part of the process. Sometimes progress comes in fits and starts. Your child might sleep in their bed for a week, then backslide during a cold or after a vacation. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means they’re human, just like you.
If your bed still feels like a family reunion most nights, take heart. This season won’t last forever. Your child will one day sleep through the night in their own bed, even if it doesn’t feel that way at 2 a.m. while you’re clinging to the edge of the mattress.
So whether you gently guide, gradually step back, or resort to every sticker chart under the sun, know this: you’re doing just fine. And someday, you’ll miss those little feet sneaking in—just not tonight.
