The Elusive Art of Independent Play

by Alexander Tidd

You’ve cleared the morning chaos. The cereal bowls are rinsed, the shoes are in the right places (miraculously), and now it’s your window—your golden hour to get work done. You open the laptop, take a breath, and that’s when you hear it: “Mom? What should I dooooo?”

The struggle to get young children to play on their own while you work is a reality that many parents know all too well. We imagine that kids, especially little ones surrounded by bins of toys, should be able to entertain themselves for at least a little while. But in practice? It’s often a battle of constant redirection, negotiation, and guilt.

Some children are naturally more independent. Others—particularly during the toddler and preschool years—crave connection and attention above all else. And while there’s no silver bullet, there are strategies that can help. Still, it’s worth acknowledging from the start: solo play is not about flipping a switch. It’s more like planting seeds and being okay with watching them grow slowly.

Why Solo Play Feels So Hard

The truth is, solo play is a skill. And like any skill, it takes time to develop. Babies aren’t born knowing how to entertain themselves. They learn it through experience, environment, and practice. The catch? That practice usually happens right when parents need to change the laundry or take a work call.

We sometimes expect too much too soon. Many parents, myself included, are still learning this the hard way. The expectation that a child could sit and quietly play while a parent worked on any given project feels reasonable. What starts as hopeful setups with puzzles and blocks often ends with spilled juice and screen-time bribes.

One of the core challenges is emotional proximity. Kids are much more likely to play independently when a caregiver is not immediately visible. If they see you—especially if you’re doing something boring like working—they’ll often want to pull you back into their world. After all, to a child, playing is not a separate activity from connection. It is connection.

Setting the Stage for Independent Play

One solution many parents try is creating a “yes space”—a safe, contained area filled with open-ended toys, books, and soft edges. Think of it as a toddler-friendly work pod. For younger children, this might mean a gated corner of a room or a playpen stocked with familiar favorites. For preschoolers and older, it could be a cozy nook or corner stocked with building toys, pretend play gear, or art supplies.

The key is offering inviting materials, not just available ones. Rotating toys can help. You don’t need more stuff—you need novelty. Try stashing away a bin of toys for a week, then reintroduce them with fanfare. What was ignored yesterday may suddenly be magical again today.

Then there’s the warm-up period. Some parents find success by starting play together before stepping away. This “scaffolded” method allows the child to get engaged, then continue solo while you slip away quietly. If you leave too early, they may never fully engage. If you wait too long, they may expect you to keep playing forever. It’s a delicate dance.

Another approach believed to find success is a “play list”—a short written or pictorial guide with 2 or 3 activity suggestions your child can reference when they get bored. It works best with kids over age 4 who can grasp the concept of choosing between tasks. For some kids, the autonomy of choosing from a small menu empowers them to play longer without interruption.

Don’t Feel Bad About Using Tools (Including Screens)

Let’s be honest: sometimes none of the Pinterest-worthy setups work. The train tracks are boring, the coloring book is dumb, and the only thing your child wants to play with is you. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that your child will never be creative. It means you have a kid. A real one.

In these moments, some families turn to timers and clear expectations. “I’m going to work for 25 minutes. When the timer goes off, we’ll play together for 10.” This technique, rooted in the Pomodoro method, works surprisingly well with kids who are old enough to grasp the concept of time. It also builds in structure—something young children often find comforting.

And yes, sometimes screens are part of the solution. Educational apps, audiobooks, and slow-paced shows can offer a valuable pause button when nothing else is working. The key is balance and intention. If a 30-minute nature documentary buys you a focused writing session, that’s a fair trade, not a moral failing.

Be Realistic—and Kind to Yourself

The goal isn’t to turn your toddler into a tiny monk of independent play. It’s to create pockets of space where they can start flexing those imaginative muscles without constant input. Some days it’ll click. Other days, they’ll follow you from room to room, begging for snacks and storytelling.

Independent play will come, it just grows in the margins. It thrives when kids feel secure, seen, and capable. It’s okay to take small wins: ten minutes of solo block building, a toddler who stays in their cozy corner just long enough for you to answer an email, a child who starts a pretend scenario on their own. These moments matter.

And the next time your child interrupts you with “I’m bored,” try not to see it as a failure. See it as an invitation to problem-solve together, to introduce a new idea, or to simply acknowledge that solo play is hard... and you’re both still learning.